Finally managed to watch Tamasha today, and boy! Last time a movie haunted me so much was Dev D (although that one was another level. I remember coming back from the theatre thinking "What on earth was that?" and waking up next morning like I'd just woken up from a drug induced sleep. But, back to Tamasha).

It seems like a very ambitious, yet flawed way to look at existential crisis, but isn't life flawed too? I'm no critic or someone who has deep understanding about movies. They either stay with me, or they don't.

Tamasha stays with me only because of Ranbir. Unlike him, I have had a lovely and supportive family that always gave me the space to take any road I wanted. For most of my life, I've dreamt of taking the one less traveled but until now, I'm still on a journey which doesn't quite lead me to the destination I want to reach. The Asterix in Corsica kind of motivation seems long forgotten.

There's a scene when Ranbir tells his parents that he's been jobless for six months and his dad admonishes him saying those who don't have any problems in life , will create a problem for themselves. I've been told something similar many a times. That I wallow in self-pity and blame others for my life. The thing is, like Jude Law in The Holiday, I'm a weeper. I cry for the smallest of things. I cry when I'm hungry. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. But that's just me.

Anyways, coming back from the detours and continuing the journey - I've opted for the 'safe bets' far too long and in the process forgotten myself. Forgotten what I like or want. I watch and re-watch Ken Robinson's TED Talk and wonder about my 'Element' and why it all seems so hazy. When it was, in fact, my own decisions that got me here.

I feel anger, frustration, disappointment - just like Ranbir. I hurt loved ones by words or actions - just like Ranbir. Somewhere, his character resonates so much, it just numbs down every emotion and forces me to look deeper within.

Maybe dig out that girl who used to wake up at 5 AM for a live broadcast on Discovery, of the excavation of a mysterious tomb in Egypt.

Or find that person who watched every episode of The Amazing Race, not for the tasks or to cheer teams, but to look at cultures and people across the world and dream about going to those places.

Or just become that girl who felt like writing a blog because she wanted to. Well, at least, here's a start.

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