Blast from the Past...AGAIN!!

Divya finally finished with her fun tag and brought up something very interesting. Something that was so casual that I didn't think it was necessary to lock in my least concsiously.

In the fun tag, there was a question "WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF ME". Divya gave a very unexpected answer. She thought I may be upset or something looking at the answer, but I started laughing instead. Her answer to that question was, "A girl with Zabardast Pocket Money". I met her at Harvard Public School (Now Howard instead of Harvard), in 1995 when I joined after finishing my primary education under the montessori system. If you aren't aware, a montessori school is usually until class 4 only. AND WE NEVER HAD UNIFORMS UNTIL THEN!!!

It was a new thing for me. A new school, the pressure of making new friends, wearing a uniform for the first time in my life, and having to put a plait/braid for the first time....worst of all, applying oil to the hair. :( It was just toooooo much for a little girl to take. Life seemed so rosy before it all happened.

People didn't talk to me much then. Just casual talk. I wasn't talking much either. So where does the whole pocket money thing come in?? When I told mom on the first day that there was a small canteen in school, she gave me Rs.20 the next day to buy whatever I wanted in the break time. I usually was a loner at the breaks. Just hung around the canteen till the bell rang.

Mom never asked me what I did with the money. She just kept giving me Rs 20 everyday. That may not seem a lot now but in 1995, I did not know the value of Rs.20. For me it was just a few bucks that my mom gave me everyday (partly coz I came home whining everyday saying, "I hate this school"). She wanted to keep me happy, she thought that was the way. Soon it was known around my class that I had 20 bucks a day.

I don't remember how, but all of a sudden a few girls started befriending me (I am not in touch with any of them but I would still not like to give out names here...though I remember very well). They accompanied during lunch breaks to the canteen, made me buy stuff for them. I was naive back then. I just thought at that time, that I've suddenly become popular. But I was never so stupid to not realise the main cause of this popularity. I knew I had the bucks. I found out that at such an age, kids don't get that kind of pocket money. I learnt a new lesson...though it took me a little time to learn it.

That was one of the first times that I realised that money is a powerful thing in this world. Fortunately, I found friends who saw beyond my pocket money (Divya being one among them). I found friends who appreciated me for me and not for the perks I got along with me. I learnt that there are things more important in life than money. The most important lesson--Money will only buy you temporary happiness. I saw that temporary happiness. Then I found the more lasting one.

Today me and Divya were cracking up each other on the phone, talking about our school life and the times we had fun. It was a good chat, as usual. Looking back, I think I needed that pocket money phase very badly. Coz that made me realise some very important facts of life. I continued to get pocket money for a very long time. But by then, I was a wiser person. I would know by then that my worth is not measurable in terms of money!!!


A Royal Experience....

No I haven't been made the Princess/Queen of some random ex-princely state in India or anywhere else in the world. If that's what you thought when you looked at the blog title.

I live in the cantonment area in Secunderabad (did I mention that before??). As you are aware that cantonment area is full of greenery, its a paradise for nature lovers. Its calm, peaceful and serene. My house is in a beautiful gated community at the end of this cantonment area. And it is a model community for greenery.

So this morning, I went for a very "late-morning-walk" inside the colony and as I was walking, a few leaves fell down on me. It felt nice... By the time I came for the second round on the same stretch, there were even more leaves. I am bad with seasons...especially in Hyderabad/Secunderabad where you have like Summer, Extreme Summer, negligible winter, Rains (If you can call them rains). Autumn, Spring...whatever...NEVER noticed them.

Here I am, on a morning walk and leaves falling on me every now and then. Finally by round four, it was a few petals of flowers that started falling with a sudden, unexpected gust of wind. And it just felt sooooo great!!

It was like how they show in the TV serials (Mahabharata, Ramayana to be more specific :P). Flowers being showered at royalty. I am no royalty, but the morning breeze coupled with the flowers falling...I couldn't help but stand there for a minute or so and bask in the unexpected thrill of feeling like a royal. Its was Fun!!

Had A real Good Morning today!! :) And Not a bad day either!!! :)


Retire Mr. Akhtar!!! :P

The Great Indian Laughter Show... Let's ask our News Channels to compete... PLEASE!!!!!

The coverage is funny to say the least. I am guilty of watching another Hindi news channel debate on the ongoing Indian series of Australia, and man is it hilarious. The language used, the poetic tones to it all, make us wonder if Javed Akhtar could come up with this kind of poetic genius.

Cricket being obsessed over as a religion in India, the News channels are having a field day with the on-going cricket series. One controversy after another.... just ample news fodder for sustaining their TRPs.

Star News was what I sat down to watch. The presenter was like that dude from "Sansani" who just shouts out whatever he needs to say. He went about praising the Indian culture and tradition and it was just toooooo much self-praise. Agreed you are proud Indians like us, but don't sing it out in the way that you do. Anyone reading this...You HAVE to see Star News on one of these days to understand what I am talking about.

And these News Channels are such hypocrites. Look at them defending our players now (I was watching the debate on Hayden's Radio comment thingy). These same news channels make such hue and cry EVERY single time we lose a match. Player by Player analysis, ball by ball analysis. They dig out the players track record in international and domestic cricket and debate on that. They want to be virtual selectors. God!!!

Anyways, it all boils down to this. I feel most HINDI news channels I see thrive on over- sensationalisation. Others manage with plain sensationalisation. That's the only way TV channels are selling anything. Quality content is very limited, and most news channels are more or less a video diary of the page 3 parties.

I had a good time watching that "SPECIAL REPORT" on Star News today. Why didn't I switch the channels?? I wanted to watch ultimate mediocrity... It turned out to be pretty poetic in the end (not in a good way). :P


P.S. As regards the title, IT WAS A JOKE (Maybe a bad one...) I don't ACTUALLY want Mr. Akhtar to give up on his stuff. He writes brilliant verses and I have utmost respect for that man's talent. :)

Dizzy Busy!!!

Well, the wedding is over... And I'm trying to get back to a somewhat routine life. Last two-three days hurried by, me grappling with filling examination forms for my CA exams and getting other paper work in order. Believe me, I'll remember these struggling days forever. Roaming on the roads on warm afternoon, trying to make sense out of all the paper work that goes into meeting the requirements for this course. Phew!!!

Anyways, more random rants. As I said, last few days went by with me roaming around with the CA stuff. Something wierd happened. Wierd for me, dunno for you.

There is this guy I've known for about 10 years. He's the son of a family friend and I usually see him at family functions. I lost touch with him about 3 years ago, and met him again recently at my brother's wedding on the 16th. So about this guy. Known him for 10 years, and about 3 years ago, he told me at another cousin brother's wedding that he liked me. I thought he was trying to pull a fast one. He took my number from a cousin and called me up a few days after the wedding to say the same thing again.

It was kind of wierd for me. I told him I didn't share his feelings and nothing would work out here, at least for the time being. He was a good acquaintance and I hardly knew anything about him. He said it was okay, and didn't call for a few days. After that the calls became pretty rampant, coming at odd hours. All sorts of rubbish was spoken, I had been very rude for the first time in my life. Finally I told him if he continued to call me, I'll tell my bros. He'd be taken care of then. Anyone who knows my extended family, have a pretty good idea what dealing with my brothers is all about. That's a scary proposition.

So that's that. He stopped calling and cut off any sort of contact. I completely forgot about him till I met him at the wedding. He stayed back for really the whole family danced to the tunes of the DJ, he sat there taking videos of me and my sister dancing. A cousin of mine pulled him into the the dancing crowd and I took the breaks exactly when he came on the dance floor. By the end of the whole dancing melee, I asked him to show me his cell. I saw the videos of me and my sister being the focus and immediately deleted them.

I had to tell him off once again, but this time he seemed much more poised than the last time I met him. Although the whole video thing was something I think shows immaturity, he took my blasting quietly.

Now the wierd part. I've been roaming around the city for the last 3 days for work purpose. And everywhere I go, I see him. Its almost like we are roaming inside a square box and running into each other occassionally. I've been going to very different parts of the city and he's there before hand. Its very very wierd. I'm staying home tomorrow. No, not hiding from him (why the hell should I??). Starting studies full blast....ahem ahem!! :P

I have more things to write on. Dinner time now. See ya folks!!!

Wedding Season...ON!!!

Well its the wedding season. I had a wedding in my family too. It was usual, coz these are occassions that the entire clan is out in its full force. We sang, we danced and we made a huge racket. We enjoyed. Oh, it was my cousin brother who got married by the way. :)

Last year, it was a sort of unrealistic year. My college gang comprised of us 5 girls - Me, Semina, Poonam, Richa and Urvashi. The Famous Five...we were called. I guess none of them knew that the fifth member of the original famous five gang, was infact a dog. Anyways, so that was us. We had been together for 5 years... 5 glorious years. Last year, well the gang sort of broke.

Richa, Poonam and Urvashi were the three marwari girls and hence were to get married as soon as their graduation was over. It was like the purpose of their education was to help them find a better groom. Of course, what family they married into was also important. Richa's marriage was more of a business alliance. Or it seemed that way. She is extremely happy in her marriage. Richa was the first to get married last year. Then it was Poonam, followed by Urvashi. Semina went away to London for Higher studies.

Looking back, these girls were special in their own way. They were extremely talented. They still are. But when I look at them now, they seem a far cry from what I knew of them in college. First things first, I'm still getting used to seeing them in sarees. Though Richa has relatively "forward" in-laws who let her socialise a bit more than the others, Poonam and Urvashi spend most of their time in kitchen. We hardly get to talk these days. Whenever I call, they are busy with something or the other. I am not trying to sound like a feminist here. Just telling the stories of my friends plainly as I can.

Today is the wedding of a male friend. Srikant. He's more like an elder brother to me. Has been so since school days. He's a marwari too and well... succumbed to family pressure for getting married. I don't like the caste system and all, but... when I ask, what's the hurry, all I get to hear is "I'm a xyz... In our system, we are well past our age for getting married". Its such a shame that these talented people aren't able to realise their full potential. And they are asked to take up the responsibility of marriage at such a young age.

I just felt like blogging... on just any subject. Since I'm getting ready for Srikant's wedding...I thought what better thing to write on. Me and Divya will be going there in the evening. He called up a while ago asking us to dance in his "baraat". Yeah right!!! :) And in all these years, today is the first time I'll be at Divya's place for a sleep-over. ;)

So, I leave you with my rants for today. Have a great time fellas!!! ;)

A fun TAG!!

Found this on Solitaire's Blog. Thought this looks fun... so here it goes.
1) Have you been on a date in the last month?
A. No. I wish. :(

2) What was your dream growing up?
A. To be a writer and a lawyer

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A. Singing (in tune :P)

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A. MAZAA (not THE BLUE MAZAA Please... :P)

5) Favorite vegetable?
A. Brinjal

6) What was the last book you read?
A. The Book Thief

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A. Taurean

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.Piercings yes. Ears

9) Worst Habit?
A. Eating habits. Under-eat.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A. Depends. If you are short and light, I can give u a ride. If you are tall, then you have to balance my scooty ;)

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A. Both... depends. I can switch pretty easy for no reason. Usually optimistic.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A. Eat your head off by talking. Worse, make you deaf by singing.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A. Hmmm. Maybe losing my grandmother was the worst till date.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A. I hate that CHOMP CHOMP munching noise. Can't stand it.

16) Do you have any pets?A. No. Not anymore.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A. I'd welcome you warmly. Then ask you to come along and get something to eat. :P

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A. Well self-tagging here. Not for me to say.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A. Cute.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A. I would like to be a little taller. Then I'd lose the chance to say my fav quote, "Great things come in small packages...". Hmmm.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A. Not Applicable! Self tagging.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.Dark Brown

23) Ever been arrested?
A. Not yet. Why??? What's the background check for??

24) Bottle or can soda?
A. Neither. What sort of question is this??

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A. Hmm. Loads of things. Would try to derive equi-marginal utility.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A. My sister's room. Coz this dabba PC is there in that one. :P

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A. No. Although, I look like its description sometimes when I wear "Ujaala White" clothes. Does that count?? :P

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A. Read a novel.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A. Na. Do ONLY when I am really really really pissed off at something. And that's sort of rare.

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A. Simple. :)

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A. YES. I'm an out and out romantic :P

35) Do you believe in God?
A. No - Usually. Yes - Ocassionally. Maybe - All the time.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A. Huh??

Anyways... I tag Anoop, Shanu, Nik and Diva.

For SALE!!!

S Sreesanth --- SOLD --- To Mohali
Adam Gilchrist --- SOLD --- To Hyderabad
M S Dhoni --- SOLD --- To Chennai
Shoaib Akhtar --- SOLD --- To Kolkatta
Ahem Ahem........

This is what I saw as soon as I switched on the TV today afternoon. I ALWAYS go to the news channel first before switching to anything else worth watching. And seriously man!!! The sensationalism of the media at its peak. These are the kind of days that make you wanna laugh your head off with the kind of coverage they give. "BREAKING NEWS" was what most of the news Channels were shouting today. You'd imagine something serious has happened. No. CRICKET. That was what the "BREAKING NEWS" was about.

In case you are wondering what I'm talking about, here's a pointer. Well the IPL (Indian Premier League=== CRICKET) player auction was held today and teams were bidding for players. Chennai, Mumbai, Kolkatta, Delhi, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Jaipur being the teams in question. As you might already know, these teams are owned by several well known personalities like Shahrukh Khan, Vijay Mallya, Preity Zinta, Anil Ambani et al. So today, there was a fierce bidding for players from around the world.

Now I am not following cricket as religiously as before... its getting quite boring. Twenty20 World cup was one cricketing event I enjoyed thoroughly. IPL is a 20-20 format game too. I am way to bored with cricket to write in more about the rules and regulations... you can search the net for it if you want.

So where was I?? Yeah. The bidding war, the player buy-outs....and the NEWS COVERAGE. It was hilarious to say the least. One news channel (hindi one) was flashing "बिक गए" (Bik Gaye--SOLD). Another one went, "Players Ki Mandi" ... Player's Market. And EVERY NEWS CHANNEL was focussing on which player was sold for how much and to whom.

Our news Channels... they are a sight I tell you. Soap Operas... they try to put them to shame sometimes. Anyways, nothin else is new in my life these days..yeah been a little busy.... Just felt like blogging on something "light". Will be back blogging full swing soon. Don't miss me too much ;)


P.S. Anoop, point noted on the F1 blog... will be back writin there in 2-3 days. And book review for THE BOOK THIEF shall be done before that one I guess. Ciao!!! :)

Another TAG....phew!!!

Okay... so one more from Shanu .... Here it comes then.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car) Tiger Indica

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie) Chickoo Coconut cookies

3. YOUR “FLY Guy” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Lavendor Rabbit

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) NA Hyderabad

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first) Sri Sm

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink) The Blue Mazaa :D :D :D

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers) Suvarna Ribhudev

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ) NA NA

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) Satyabhama Surat

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower) Holi Tulip

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Mango Jeanie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree) Tea Neem

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)The Reading book Rain Tour

Enough.... Now I tag Nik and Diva

Tagged... (Why me??? :P)

Disclaimer : If you IGNORE the below mentioned habits (as they are inconsequential anyways), You can see that I am a pretty decent over-grown kid (stealing Nik's phrase here... no copyright infringement I suppose :D)

Shanu a.k.a Vagabond Dreamer tagged me to write six inconsequential things about me. Well I must admit I am no good at these TAG thingies... Wanted to stay clear, but what the heck. So before I begin to introduce you to my wierdo habits(hope some of you share some of these...), lets go through the rules, shall we??

The Rules:
Link to the person that tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.

Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

So this is me then.... :)

1. I get totally pissed off when people make noise while chewing... EVEN MY PARENTS. The whole "CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP" noise has the power to get on my nerves like nothing else.

2. I absolutely cannot eat rice without a spoon. I tried eating rice with my cousin sister one day and she just burst out laughing at the sight. My motto: No spoon in my hand, No rice on my plate.

3. I am a total maniac when it comes to lending books. Anyone who has EVER borrowed a book from me, knows the fuss I create while giving them out. I ALWAYS give instructions to "handle with care".... annoying I know!!! [ know it well ;)]

4. I CANNOT eat spicy food. It upsets my stomach big time... YET, I cannot resist Manchurian, however spicy it is... Always ending up with some sort of problem... I just cannot give it up.

5. I'm very careless... especially with money (ruining my marriage prospects here... Trying to work on that). I have lost count of the times I've misplaced money... right now, things are improving... coz I keep very little cash with me ;)

6. This is the queen of it all I guess. My phone is ALMOST ALWAYS in silent mode. Most of the people who have my number will swear on this one. I return the calls.. most of the times :P ...

This is it from me. I tag Nik and Diva and anyone else who is interested... ;)

Beginning the "VALENTINE'S WEEK..."

  • Well, I don't really believe in the concept of Valentine's day. Just another day in my life... irrespective of whether I'm in a relationship or not. It is amusing sometimes to see the coffee shops decorated as if for a wedding party or something. Actually, don't want to discuss V-day celebrations. This is what I came to write.

    I absolutely CANNOT live without my copy of the Reader's Digest. I get very impatient every month until it arrives. And this month, it was such a surprise to see it in the mailbox in the first week itself. So, as they do in the previous years, they run a feature on real-life love stories in the month of February...for very obvious reasons.

    This time, they included the story of a guy named Patrick Moberg who saw this gorgeous girl in the train and thought that she was the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately for him, by the time he made up his mind to go up to her and start a conversation, the train halted and the girl got down at the station. He didn't want to run behind her at the risk of being labelled a stalker. He just wasnt able to get her off his mind.

    He thought of putting posters everywhere to find this girl. Then he thought otherwise...and I think that was really wise of him ;). This guy is a web-designer. So he created this site to find the whereabouts of that girl:

  • As luck would have it, the site was well publicised and finally, a friend of this girl contacted Patrick. GOOD MORNING AMERICA arranged a meeting for those two... must've been so awkward... hehehe. Now he knows that this girl is an Australian immigrant named Camille... and as he says on the site...they are talking... :)
  • I think I saw a movie which has a somewhat similar had that NSync dude Lance Bass or something his name was. Anyways, good to know that such love stories actually exist.
  • Why am I blogging on this?? Well discussed this story with Diva and we recounted those days when 4 years ago I really liked this guy in my class. Knew only his name. Naren. Spoke like 3 times in monosyllables..."hi...bye...". On the day of my last exam, I thought I'd just go up to him and ask his number or something... just talk...say something brilliant maybe...Like I could!!!
  • I noticed he'd finished his paper early and had left the room... and I still had a lot to do. I monstered up the speed of my writing... don't worry...I wrote legibly and I passed. :) . I submitted my paper and just went out searching for him... in vain. After that I never saw him again. Tried searching for him online, went looking for him many times on the road that he travelled on a daily basis. But luck wasn't on my side. In a sort of way, at that time, he was the man of my dreams. And I rued the missed opportunity of never being able to tell him that I had this huge crush on him.
  • That part of my life had become quite hazy for a while with everything else that's going on in my life. But just reading the magazine today, brought back all the memories attatched to those FUN days... that feeling... seeing him everyday in class...missing him when he didn't turn up...discussing him with Diva... good days.
  • And for everyone reading this... NO I'm no longer looking for him... Closed that chapter and moved on with my life. Just thought of sharing this story with you. Hope you have fun reading it. :)


An Introduction:

A Disclosure:
I LOVE MY GRANDMA. The reason I haven't written about her till date (despite loving her so damn much!!!) is coz I was too selfish to share her with you. Today, I feel the need to share her with you... coz today, I miss her so damn much!!

A Secret:
I don't mention her often, coz I cant feel her physical presence... I see her everyday, I love her everyday. But I want to hug her everyday. Something I rarely did when I had the chance to.

Here it begins....

If you aren't in a mood for something sombre, then this is your chance to click away and go to some other place. By my last few blogs, you may want to label me as a "TRAGEDY QUEEN". But sometimes, life isn't all humour isn't it?? This blog is my expression.... of what I feel, what I want you to feel. I want to basically bare out my soul here.... but that process would be incomplete without mentioning the most powerful force in my life.

My Dadi, was born AMBIKA. She became AMBIKA SRIVASTAVA when she married. But for me, she was always DADI. I don't know when I came to realise her name was AMBIKA. I think it was when I had learnt to read and write. The first time I saw her sign on a piece of paper...that's when I knew her maiden name. AMBIKA. I can still remember her handwriting... as clear as I can see my own.

DADI loved me to death. And I loved her equally. They say true love happens once. I don't know if I've loved anyone of the opposite sex as much as I've loved her. I doubt if I am capable of it. Selfless love.... just once. Guess with family, this is expected... but with DADI, it was craziness.

I got mad at her often too. I got mad at her when she told Papa that I wasn't coming down often to meet her. That was the cable TV boom, keeping me away from her. Gosh I was so mad at her when papa reprimanded me for that. Everytime I went to meet her after that, I had this sullen expression on my face. I was kinda rude too. She spoiled me a lot as a kid. The perfect grandma. :)

Another time I remember getting mad at her was when the boys from school called me up at home. Slightly conservative, as all grandmother's were, she totally despised that I got more calls from guys than girls on a daily basis. She once told my aunt,"Yeh Dolly ke liye har waqt ladko ke calls aate hai...achha nahi hai". Dolly gets calls from boys all the time. This is not good. For the first, and last time I said this to myself, "My parents have no issues, who's she to complain." I guess our reaction was expected in our place. Completely normal.

After a happy, carefree childhood, when I awoke to the reality of life, family history and secrets tumbling out, I stopped painting a happy picture for myself. For the first time I could see what hid behind the farcical smile on my grandmother's face. She did her best to always shield me from everything she thought I shouldn't know. But eventually, as I grew older, I knew better.

I started connecting with her as a mature teenager, rather than the devilish child I pretended to be. I knew that the joint family that I lived in would soon be scattered, and I never told her how I planned her stay with me and my parents. How I dreamed that I will give her the most comforable life, the most love-filled existence that was humanly possible. How I would.....

But all that came crashing down in August 2000, when she left us. All my dreams for her, for us. I was writing an exam when I came to know of her death. I can remember how my book was filled with tear strewn gibberish. I dont even know how I managed to complete that exam. All I remember is going home, completely numb, into the arms of my aunt. Then I cried for the longest time I can remember. For the first time, I cried as a teen in the arms of my mother. Coz before this, my life, my mom...was my grandmother.

As a kid, I always stayed around her. As soon as I got back from school, I would tell her a daily tale of humour, of friends, of teachers.... just any silly thing. And she sat intently, listening to every single thing I told her. Her smile, her comment back...her admonishing me for talking more and eating less... her...just being herself.

Sometimes I feel angry at her that she gave up so easily. Sometimes I think things would have been easier for me, for papa (who loved her as much as I did) if she were around. I know she'll remain with us in spirit, in memory.... but her physical presence, the chance to feel the warmth of her hug, would always be missing.

"Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans", I read this somewhere. I sat today with my maternal grandmother(NANI) and she was telling me about my DADI. She always has fond memories of my DADI. "A wife of such an illustruous man and she was such a down to earth person". I love such talks with my NANI, everytime she praised my DADI. She always does. She always held her in such a high regard.

I love my DADI. I ALWAYS WILL. I'm trying my best to fulfil my last promise to her, have succeeded many times previously. Right now I'm having some difficulty and I think she is testing me. I'm trying my best DADI. I know you're watching and feeling what I feel. I know you support me. I will make it through it all.

Lastly, falling short of words to conclude, I think the best compliment I recieved, or can possible EVER recieve is my NANI telling me that "You have a gimpse of your grandma." I wish I can be exactly like her, but there's no one in this world who, in my books, can come close to her.
She still resides... within me... in my spirit. I am everything, because of her.... I'M SMRITI BECAUSE OF HER.

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