These days I often find myself lapsing into this different kind of emotion, something that brings tears to my eyes. It has finally dawned upon me that I will be getting married in less than a year and I won't be around each day making that special morning tea that Papa loves.
As a child, I always knew that I'll leave home one day to go and live with my soulmate, my life partner. It always bothered me that I didn't have a brother who'd be there everyday with mummy and papa, after even my sister got married. I'm sure my parents never had that kind of a fear and they've brought up me and my sister with all the comforts that they could provide.
I've been thinking about the times I got mad at Papa for various things. Trivial issues. I wonder why I ever lost my temper at dad from small things. No one's perfect and I expected him to be. It is only now I realize that he is perfect in his own special way. He's my perfect hero.
Papa has always given me whatever I wanted. Always. He cared to listen to me, wanted to hear me out even though I was always chatty with mummy. I always felt that I can talk only the 'serious things' with papa and maintain a sort of 'professionalism' with him, while being pally with mummy. That is how our equation has been working so far.
I was scared as hell when I spoke to him about Snehal but his reaction to it just made me want to hug him. I realize now that I don't actually remember hugging him ever. He was cool about everything, putting my happiness first. He always has as I think of it now.
I remember telling my Dadi that I will marry someone from Hyderabad so that I don't have to go away from home. Now that I'll go away over 1200kms away, I don't know what it must be like for Papa .
This diwali when I went home, I could sense that papa realised it was my last diwali at home. I guess all of us wanted to make is special this time. And we did. For the first time in all these years, my diwali was memorable and I felt truly connected and happy. I'm sure papa did as well.
Each night I dread thinking about the day I go away, I dread seeing tears in my hero's eyes, I dread showing him my tears. But I guess it is bound to happen. Yes, he'll cry and so will I. I can already see that it is a moment of pride for a father when he gets his daughter married and papa
is excited. But those tears are inevitable.
Just wanted to say that Papa I love you very much for everything that you have ever done for me and all the happiness that you have given me in life. You not only gave me a life, but most importantly you gave me the freedom to live it on my terms. Love you papa.