Forgive Yourself Now, Will you??

Why does it always happen that we know what we should be doing and we hardly take steps to do what we think is right?

Is it right then, to not take any action, while witnessing something insane and then probably having a talk about it with your mother, sister and then rambling it all out to the blogosphere?

I've been really happy lately, nothing perturbs me as easily as it used to. But yesterday I was furious, at myself, at somebody else. At myself for not doing anything. At someone else for doing what they did.

I live in a beautiful and peaceful locality. Every person who has even visited my place has said that it is pure bliss. I imagine that too. But yesterday's events just kept bothering me all night and right until this morning.

My next door neighbour is Papa's college friend. One of the main reasons why we shifted here was because of him. I have never liked him because to me, he seems like an arrogant man who only wants to do what he thinks is right and isn't willing to lend an ear to anyone else's opinion. Over the years, my mom has asked me to just try and not to lose my temper at anything that he says.

I mean alright. So you've seen the world and you are a millionaire. You claim to be a self-made man (I know you have wealth of your forefathers, stop kidding me!!). You step into my home and slam my career choices in front of my own father, who I am glad, is finally seeing that I want to do what makes me happy and he is very supportive. You tell me what I should be doing and how I should be doing. Who gives you the right to decide my life path?? Keep your opinions to yourself.

I tried to be cordial everytime, just because I do not want to ruin whatever friendship my father has with you. He respects you as a friend and accepts you for who you are. But I would like you to be away from preaching me, and telling me what shade colours I should put on my house when I get it painted, or what kind of flooring I need for renovations. 

I am disgusted.

There's an aunty who lives two buildings away, right behind my home. She talks to me everytime she needs to ask me about something, through her wash area, which falls behind my home's parking area. She supplies daily tiffins for my mom, and I have been visiting her home every morning for the last 2 years. She has a daughter as old as me, who is basically running the hosuehold.

I admire this lady. She has a whole lot of marital problems and an abusive husband. I have silently witnessed a few jibes he takes at her and he does not work. Aunty tries to make an alternate living my providing tiffins to people around the area, or catering sometimes to parties in the locality. I enjoy a lot of her dishes and everytime there's a party at home, I go to her for the bulk cooking.

She began opening up to me a year ago and telling me everything that troubles her. One day she said "Please don't think anything, I say all this to you coz you are like a daughter to me". Unable to leave her husband, unable to fight, she suffers silently because she cannot see any other way out. I have seen her cry so many times in front of me and I could never even muster the courage to give her a hug. She talks about killing herself and dying but she is worried for her only daughter.

I respect aunty for what she does.

Yesterday, this uncle was getting the whole complex painted behind our houses. Aunty is a tenant in the complex in one of the row house complex. She wasn't informed that the complex was being painted. A mason got into the wash area through the open spaces and knocked off a few utensils. Alarmed, and alone, she was petrified of who or what might be present there. Finding the mason, she said the least someone could do was inform that the building was being painted, rather than give her such a fright. 

The Mason went and complained to uncle who was in charge of getting the complex painted. He came out and flew into a rage and starting abusing aunty left and right with the choicest tirade of curses. He used such foul words in Hindi that I cannot even utter them without feeling disgusted. In the end of it he added, "You are a tenant, behave like a tenant. If you have a problem, go find some other place to live". Aunty kept talking to him saying, "Bhaiyya you cant talk to me like this. I just asked a simple question and why are you hurling abuses towards me". He didnt relent and went on and on and on.

In the end, aunty was the one who said "I am sorry bhaiyya, I am a poor person. Poor people like me dont get any respect". He didnt stop, and said  "Are you doing a favour to me by being poor?". I am sure aunty would have closed the door behind her and went inside and cried alone, like many other times. It occurred to me what she had said yesterday morning, "Its my 25th Anniversary today. We are not going anywhere.".

I was taking bath  when I heard a lot of shouting and screaming. I stopped the shower to hear better and this is what I heard. I was a silent witness yet again. A part of me said, "Get dressed, go out and defend her if you think that's the right thing to do. THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!! You dont like what he said, let it be known to him that he might have earned millions, he  might be knowing the ways of the world, but he doesnt know how to earn respect.  No matter how pissed off you are, no matter whatever is going on in your mind, there is a way to treat a woman, a humility, a kind of ettiquette and language that one maintains. I have no respect for people like him."

But even after that, I refrained. I didn't go up and express my abhorration for his conduct. My father's happiness and friendship with this man, triumphed over what I thought or felt about him. I felt like a failure, for not doing what I should have been doing. For not supporting someone who considers me her daughter. I kept thinking, would I have shut my mouth had he spoken the same way to my mother?? Definitely not!! Then why did I keep mum this time?

I spoke about it to mom, dad and even sis. I had a long chat with my sister and she said to me, "Learn to forgive and forget". Well are all made that way. We forgive. We forget. But what about the person who faced it?  Will she forgive? Can she forget? 

I have seen a million tears from her eyes, maybe I'll see more. I do not know if I can ever vindicate her, but mummy says "Be thankful that at least she has someone to talk to. What else can you do?".  What else can I do?

I dont know if I was right or wrong in being a silent spectator. I may forget this someday. But this moment is a witness, that I didn't do something....and it adds up to the ever growing list of the things left undone!

20 Observations:

  1. Ashish Surana said...:

    I tried but couldn't read all of it nevertheless I got the point you are trying to make...or may be what you were trying in first half of post...firstly you are supposed to hear from all and do your own, and secondly you can try to improve things that are in your control but you have to believe that it is destined in someone's life and you have no control what so ever :)

    P.S : I am first one yet again to comment on your post..!!!

  1. sawan said...:

    maybe i wud have spoke out. people who dsnt know to respect others dsnt deserve any respect.

  1. k.ø.c.h.ü said...:

    hey dollz...stay calm n cool...i can sense yer exact feelin right now...well v blong 2 de same party...ive been silently watchin lozz of similar stuff in my life...all ive done till date is convert them into humourous sarcasm n post in my blog.

    der r indeed loz of stuff dat u hav nothin 2 do fact is itz often better 2 not take unnecessary world is not such a gud place 2 live...u cant find too many happy people around u...n itz impossible 2 make evry1 around smile..
    so dear keep smilin n help spread smiles atleast 2 de nearest(forexample by ringin kochu..)

  1. Anonymous said...:

    This is seriously fucked up.What is she...her servant or pet animal?

    You can help her to a certain bit but ultimately she'll have to stand for herself.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    we all have our moments of guilt and shame.. learn NOT to repeat once u realized,... sometimes jst divverting the person's mind can help the victim !

  1. Anonymous said...:
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
  1. Anonymous said...:

    My God! I can relate to your state of mind. Even I have behaved like a mute spectator in some situations. I feel guilty for not speaking up sometimes. I don't know wht stops us!

    And I know how it feels when a family friend interferes way too much in ur life. Moreover, the rich and the influential think they can dominate others. I remember hw the manager of our gym mistreated a poor lady working thre, fr no fault of hers.

    I admire women like 'Aunty'. There are so many like her. May God bless her!

    And u take a chill pill!

  1. I can understand how terrible you must be feeling right now.
    But never mind, make sure you (atleast try to) speak up against injustice henceforth. It is never too late.
    And ab cheer up kar lo jee. You are an amazing girl. And you know that. :D

  1. just chill dolls ...i wish to give u the jaddo ki jappi...just relax leave alone the people who cant respect others...they dont even deserve anything...:)...


  1. Renu said...:

    No matter how pissed off you are, no matter whatever is going on in your mind, there is a way to treat a woman, a humility, a kind of ettiquette and language that one maintains. I have no respect for people like him."---exacxtly the way I feel.
    Even in the book Joker in the pack..same is written how aunties and uncles become advisor and when one is succesful, the same people come to u for advice.

    I know how u must be feeling, I also feel the same when my Hstops me from speaking, but one day u will gain the courage and guts to speak up, just keep ur sensibilities intact.

  1. You gotta teach her how to fight back, when her self respect is being hurt. It might take time, but I am sure one day, she will stand for herself and her self respect. At that time no one would be able to humiliate her, the way she was by the so called uncle.

    Its like awakening a sense of defence in her. Try it...

  1. --xh-- said...:

    hm... every problem have two sides, and there is no absolute right or wrong. My wrong can be your truth, so it is not easy to say one act is wrong and other is true.

    I feel that you could have tried to stop the uncle ji from saying the abusive words, but I am not sure whether you could have made him stop - from what I read, people like him rarely listens to others, and they feels what they do is right and all others should follow them. You have lot of patience to endure him - why dont try some sarcasm when next time he is there to offer his gyan.

    and next time, do act. it gives you a lot of peace of mind.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Now forgive yourself, will you? As reb says, it's never too late. Gather enough strength for the next time.


  1. MultiMenon said...:

    First things first,The uncle doesn't deserve ur respect or anyone else's for that matter.I can understand ur father's friendship with him,But I ges u could convince ur dad to the point that his friendship with him had nothing to do with what this uncle was doing with the rest of them.And,maybe he could have tried out speaking to this man about the whole ruckus.But then,I suggest if something similar hpns henceforth,you must prolly speak yoiur mind out with due respects to ur dad.

    afterall,how long can u c the aunty cry??

    Take care dearie.. :)


  1. it might be easier to say ki u shud have protested...

    but I think sumtimes one need to practice refrain

    har lafde ladai mein padogi toh it will be ur loss only....

    so like ur sis said
    learn to forgive and forget
    abhi bahut kuchh dekhna hai
    remember may sound worse but it is the fact that people who survive are the people who learn to take advantages out of learn to hid ur feeling and learn to control ur anger :)

  1. Priya Joyce said...:

    ahhh!! I do not know what to say..coz how can I put up my poinion when I myself have kept quiet many a tymes when i could have expressed my anger or disapproval.

    I'd just say..I have not been able to forgive myself..but still the alternative chosen instead..helps me to come over the guilt.

    well most of the tymes its a big dilemma

  1. Nik said...:

    Everyone said take a chill pill to you. I guess they didnt see the ad on the TV: "Stop marriage abuse, ring the bell'. I suggest you to do that if u wanna do something about the lady.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    hey hey hey hey and hey....chill up dearie :)

  1. Reflections said...:

    Smrithi...its ok, there's no need to beat urself up for this incident. I doubt even if u interceded on her behalf tht man wd have cn reason:-S
    All tht wd have happened was tht he wd have complained to ur father abt u & inturn their relationship wd have spoiled bcoz of this.

    U seem too sensitive...learn to let go...otherwise it messes up your mind:-(.

  1. JA said...:

    ...Follow what your heart says...

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