Happy New Year to all. May 2008 give you at least 2007+1 reasons to cheer about.
So, as promised, I'm here blogging at midnight. I thought I'll start blogging right away, but that doesn't seem to be happening right now. My sister is sleeping next to me and I am going as soft on the keyboards as I can.
I had imagined that I will blog on things I want to do this coming year..(not a compulsion). I think I'll delay those for my up-coming blogs. The first thing, very unexpected, that I did as I logged on was send across a message on Orkut and Facebook.
I hate typing so slow... No fun in writing this way either... :(
So I guess I will catch up on this tomo morning..till then..take good care and keep smiling.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
RESOLUTIONS ANYONE???
Everyone is talking about the NEW YEAR RESOLUTION or NEW YEAR PLANS these days. Gosh!! We need an excuse for everything. Well, as for me, I used to have New Year resolutions until a couple of years ago. I ALWAYS broke them, so I figured out that no point in keeping those. They aren't meant for me.
However, THIS YEAR.. I have a WISH. Finally. Everyone asked me what I wish for in the New Year. Never really wish for anything. This year, I have wished... and I WILL MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE...to go to the first ever Singapore Grand Prix in September. Knowing my love for Formula One, my parents have already consented and starting this New Year, I will start saving for the event. So, remember. Don't expect me to throw parties. And I hope you'll understand why I am acting like a Cheapskate in 2008. YOU KNOW WHY!! :)
And there was this one more thing I heard a lot, associated with New Year. Some sort of superstition that whatever you are doing at the stroke of midnight in a New Year, that's what you'll be doing throughout the year. Even though I am not superstitious, just for fun, I'll be blogging at that time. And I hope that's what I continue to do throughout the year.
One request. Will someone please read my blogs on New Year midnight?? So that I have the guarantee of ONE NEW VISITOR/READER of my blog everyday for the coming year. :)
I'm pretty exhausted with my blogging now. Catch you all later tonight. Have fun!!
However, THIS YEAR.. I have a WISH. Finally. Everyone asked me what I wish for in the New Year. Never really wish for anything. This year, I have wished... and I WILL MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE...to go to the first ever Singapore Grand Prix in September. Knowing my love for Formula One, my parents have already consented and starting this New Year, I will start saving for the event. So, remember. Don't expect me to throw parties. And I hope you'll understand why I am acting like a Cheapskate in 2008. YOU KNOW WHY!! :)
And there was this one more thing I heard a lot, associated with New Year. Some sort of superstition that whatever you are doing at the stroke of midnight in a New Year, that's what you'll be doing throughout the year. Even though I am not superstitious, just for fun, I'll be blogging at that time. And I hope that's what I continue to do throughout the year.
One request. Will someone please read my blogs on New Year midnight?? So that I have the guarantee of ONE NEW VISITOR/READER of my blog everyday for the coming year. :)
I'm pretty exhausted with my blogging now. Catch you all later tonight. Have fun!!
Much Ado about New Year!!!
Well, I never quite understood why all the fuss is created around New Year's eve. Not since I was like, 12. Those were some really fun times, at that age. Somehow, that excitement is amiss as we progressed through the teens and then onto the threshold of adulthood.
New Year celebrations for me used to be spending quality time with cousins. We used to live in this huge independent house, the kind that are quite rare these days. We are, in all, about ten cousin brothers and sisters ranging from 5-16 years of age. And this is how we celebrated New Year....
We begged our parents to give Rs.25-50 per head. Considering only the kids celebrated (even though the parents were invited), the parents gave money for the kids. But never quite hesistated to crash the party, unannounced. They were quite miserly in that regard and we blew our lids off when the food was insufficient (rare phenomenon).
Our Idea of Venue: The Terrace. I lived on the third floor with my parents and the terrace was just above our domain. Papa usually scared the kids off with his temper, but when he was sweet, the kids adored him. They were too scared to ask him if we could party there. I'd take a few cousins, who had the persuasive powers, to talk to papa. And after a few hesitations, we'd finally crack him into letting us party.
Our fabulous idea of a New Year feast: Top Ramen Noodles---Chicken flavour most of the time, although I don't quite enjoy it any more. One packet noodle per head sufficed most of us. And we had some good old potato chips to go with. Oh!! And Yeah. The boys cooked the noodles most of the time. Very satisfying meal indeed!!
Our Idea of the New Year Drink : Rasna--Everyone voted for the orange flavour, although my favourite was Cola. Short on resources, we didn't want to spend that much on Coke or Pepsi. Besides, we got more glasses of Rasna for a lesser price, and DAMN it was tasty. I usually took the responsibilty to prepare that cos that was the only thing I ever learnt to make at that age.
Our Idea of Fun: A stereo system, which often I volunteered to provide, without asking my parent's permission first. Although others had stereos too, none was ready to carry it up till 3 floors. I would heroically be ready to act as a saviour, then cower till the last minute to ask my mum if I could take the stereo. She obliged most of the time, not before telling me a zillion times to be careful. Papa, of course, didn't want me taking his prized possession, but mum convinced him. ALWAYS!!
Our Idea of Celebration: CAKE!!! Yes. That was something we insisted on, and that was the thing for which most of the money was allocated. The Cake had to be perfect and it was the boys who usually assumed the responsibility to getting it. Also, they were the eldest among our lot. They ensured we had cakes from the best possible place and the finest quality.
And So, we partied. The feast was ready, the drink was ready, the chips were half eaten while the feast was prepared, the stereo was ready to belt out songs, the terrace had been cleaned and everything was in order. The boys were always fashionably late, and the girls often arrived early and discussed the music that was to be played. The neighbours always seemed to copy us, and arrived on their own terrace (theirs was lower...I guess 2nd floor...and we got to sample what they feasted on. I must say, we liked our menu much better and were satisfied with our party preparations).
We would urge the boys to hurry up, so that we can start partying before the neighbours started their celebrations. And so, it was a common norm that things never got underway before 8.30 pm. We put on the music as loud as we could. Sometimes, the neighbours got bugged and got another deck to drown the sounds of our stereo. Our stereo speakers weren't the best, I admit. So what did we do???????
We shouted and sang and danced on our songs. I bet if there was a sudden, complete silence, we'd sound like a mix of goats and donkeys. What an amazing ruckus we created. Sometimes when that didn't work, we'd calmly shut our stereo, and dance to the tunes that the neighbours were playing. We'd thank them in the end for helping us save electricity and letting us have the pleasure of some wholesome entertainment. They had some really good songs.
Often the plan was to dance all night, eat at 12...dance a little after that, say till 1 or 2 o clock, and return to our respective parts of the house. Naturally, that was NEVER the way it happened. The 5-7 year olds were always hungry by 9. We'd watch them eat and then couldn't control our hunger. We finally ate by 11. The cake was always Cut at midnight and we retired to our slumber by 12.30.
Those were some days. That is how I still remember New Year. Coz, New Year always symbolised spending some fun and quality time with the ones I loved. That is how I always wanted New Year to be. A promise that may the coming year be filled with a lot of laughter and joy in the company of a loved on...carefree..without worry.
New Year since the turn of the millenium has been a lonely affair for most of us. The house that we were born in no longer stands in the lane of Chirag Ali Lane. The house that once drew envy of many around, turned out to be a sour dream for its own residents. I've learnt since that life isn't as rosy, and you don't always get what you wish for. I've learned to make peace with that and be content with what I have.
And What I have, among others, is the ever-lasting memory of the Many New Years spent in ways that seemed more perfect than any other thing I've done in my life. The images are still as vivid, like they are happening as I write. They were real moments and they are ones I'll take away with me.
New Year celebrations for me used to be spending quality time with cousins. We used to live in this huge independent house, the kind that are quite rare these days. We are, in all, about ten cousin brothers and sisters ranging from 5-16 years of age. And this is how we celebrated New Year....
We begged our parents to give Rs.25-50 per head. Considering only the kids celebrated (even though the parents were invited), the parents gave money for the kids. But never quite hesistated to crash the party, unannounced. They were quite miserly in that regard and we blew our lids off when the food was insufficient (rare phenomenon).
Our Idea of Venue: The Terrace. I lived on the third floor with my parents and the terrace was just above our domain. Papa usually scared the kids off with his temper, but when he was sweet, the kids adored him. They were too scared to ask him if we could party there. I'd take a few cousins, who had the persuasive powers, to talk to papa. And after a few hesitations, we'd finally crack him into letting us party.
Our fabulous idea of a New Year feast: Top Ramen Noodles---Chicken flavour most of the time, although I don't quite enjoy it any more. One packet noodle per head sufficed most of us. And we had some good old potato chips to go with. Oh!! And Yeah. The boys cooked the noodles most of the time. Very satisfying meal indeed!!
Our Idea of the New Year Drink : Rasna--Everyone voted for the orange flavour, although my favourite was Cola. Short on resources, we didn't want to spend that much on Coke or Pepsi. Besides, we got more glasses of Rasna for a lesser price, and DAMN it was tasty. I usually took the responsibilty to prepare that cos that was the only thing I ever learnt to make at that age.
Our Idea of Fun: A stereo system, which often I volunteered to provide, without asking my parent's permission first. Although others had stereos too, none was ready to carry it up till 3 floors. I would heroically be ready to act as a saviour, then cower till the last minute to ask my mum if I could take the stereo. She obliged most of the time, not before telling me a zillion times to be careful. Papa, of course, didn't want me taking his prized possession, but mum convinced him. ALWAYS!!
Our Idea of Celebration: CAKE!!! Yes. That was something we insisted on, and that was the thing for which most of the money was allocated. The Cake had to be perfect and it was the boys who usually assumed the responsibility to getting it. Also, they were the eldest among our lot. They ensured we had cakes from the best possible place and the finest quality.
And So, we partied. The feast was ready, the drink was ready, the chips were half eaten while the feast was prepared, the stereo was ready to belt out songs, the terrace had been cleaned and everything was in order. The boys were always fashionably late, and the girls often arrived early and discussed the music that was to be played. The neighbours always seemed to copy us, and arrived on their own terrace (theirs was lower...I guess 2nd floor...and we got to sample what they feasted on. I must say, we liked our menu much better and were satisfied with our party preparations).
We would urge the boys to hurry up, so that we can start partying before the neighbours started their celebrations. And so, it was a common norm that things never got underway before 8.30 pm. We put on the music as loud as we could. Sometimes, the neighbours got bugged and got another deck to drown the sounds of our stereo. Our stereo speakers weren't the best, I admit. So what did we do???????
We shouted and sang and danced on our songs. I bet if there was a sudden, complete silence, we'd sound like a mix of goats and donkeys. What an amazing ruckus we created. Sometimes when that didn't work, we'd calmly shut our stereo, and dance to the tunes that the neighbours were playing. We'd thank them in the end for helping us save electricity and letting us have the pleasure of some wholesome entertainment. They had some really good songs.
Often the plan was to dance all night, eat at 12...dance a little after that, say till 1 or 2 o clock, and return to our respective parts of the house. Naturally, that was NEVER the way it happened. The 5-7 year olds were always hungry by 9. We'd watch them eat and then couldn't control our hunger. We finally ate by 11. The cake was always Cut at midnight and we retired to our slumber by 12.30.
Those were some days. That is how I still remember New Year. Coz, New Year always symbolised spending some fun and quality time with the ones I loved. That is how I always wanted New Year to be. A promise that may the coming year be filled with a lot of laughter and joy in the company of a loved on...carefree..without worry.
New Year since the turn of the millenium has been a lonely affair for most of us. The house that we were born in no longer stands in the lane of Chirag Ali Lane. The house that once drew envy of many around, turned out to be a sour dream for its own residents. I've learnt since that life isn't as rosy, and you don't always get what you wish for. I've learned to make peace with that and be content with what I have.
And What I have, among others, is the ever-lasting memory of the Many New Years spent in ways that seemed more perfect than any other thing I've done in my life. The images are still as vivid, like they are happening as I write. They were real moments and they are ones I'll take away with me.
The Greener Pastures
I had never been interested in the social networking sites until two years ago. My only use of the internet would be for the purpose of checking mails, sending e-cards and for searching information. Then Orkut happened to me.
In the first year, I was totally glued to Orkut, adding just about anyone who'd care. It was an addiction. Spending hours and hours on the site, competing with other friends to scrap (inciting others to scrap you so that your scrap count stays ahead of your friends). Little did I realise that I was slowly losing touch with the real world. The Cyber world DOES seem so rozy after all, isnt it??? You do not have to worry about how you look, how you have to behave. Its all casual talk and you can just charm with the power of words. That's it. Done. You think You've made great friends for life (I was stupid enough to think so, about a year and a half back).
Well sure, among the huge list adding up as your friends in a social networking site, you DO find some really nice people who genuinely want to be friends with you. Mayank Mohta and Asankhaya Sharma are two people I met through Orkut and I thoroughly enjoy talking to them.
But then again, as I was saying, my list kept on increasing everyday with a new friend request. Then finally when it touched 300 I decided to do a reality check.
On a very boring afternoon, with nothing productive to do, I was on a "Cleanse-my-orkut" mission. I sat down and viewed each and every one of the profile. I "deleted" those accounts, with whom I had lost contact over the last six months. I remembered quite a few of them, small details. I dropped in a random "HI" before deleting the account. The reason for that??? I got my "HIs" back...with a few "Do I know you??","How do you do, what do you do??". Clearly these people had forgotten me. And I just didn't want to start again by reciting my life story, yet again. By the time I finished the process, the count of people I ACTUALLY knew or other friends from School, college or family members were what remained. I kept a few of those whom I'd met randomly through orkut, cos I knew that with them, I could just pick up from where I left.
Today was one more such boring session. I just went through my friendlist again, not with the intention of deleting anyone (coz I've been very shrewd in adding unknown people lately). Something caught my attention. Something I hadn't been able to realise, caught in the myriad of my not-so-busy-yet-busy life. The number of changes in current location.
Nearly half (I'd like to admit that I didn't count but I think that figure must be near exact) of the people on my list have changed location. Hyderabad has been replaced by Houston, Trichy has been replaced by Texas, Mumbai with Michigan. While most have gone to the US for the pursuit of higher education, notable locations also include the UK, Greece, Australia, Taiwan etc.
I am amazed. I mean sure I knew who was going where. But caught up in my own life, as people went in search of greener pastures one by one, I didn't realise that half of my social networking site friendlist was out of India in less than 6 months. What is it about foreign education??? Is it a fad?? Why does everyone wants to go abroad after their graduation?? I never understood that because I admit that I never really wanted to understand that. If you go abroad you have more value, they say. C'mon. Every one is going abroad these days. What makes you different???
Yes there are some who tell me that the kind of education we get here (in the Graduate courses) isn't enough to make you industry ready. That is true at least in the Commerce and Humanity stream as far as I've seen. But what is it about others?? The Engineers and Doctors?? Why do they want to rush off to other places as soon as they finish their graduation. Most from Commerce and Humanity go abroad for their MBAs. Why??? Okay. If you don't like the standard of education, are you willing to come back after you finish your studies?? Are you ready to give a written testimony on that???
I am not being accusatory. I am just a little caught up in my own views and expressing my own opinion. I don't say I'm right always. I just say I have the right to express myself. And I'm doing just that.
It hurts sometimes to see your friends away from you. Knowing that you will see them once in a few years. Sure they have a life of their own. They want to make a career of their own. But still, at the risk of sounding patriotic, how are you planning to help your motherland???
Follow up or part two to this will be written shortly. Right now, I have to listen to the call of the RUMBLING STOMACH!! :)
In the first year, I was totally glued to Orkut, adding just about anyone who'd care. It was an addiction. Spending hours and hours on the site, competing with other friends to scrap (inciting others to scrap you so that your scrap count stays ahead of your friends). Little did I realise that I was slowly losing touch with the real world. The Cyber world DOES seem so rozy after all, isnt it??? You do not have to worry about how you look, how you have to behave. Its all casual talk and you can just charm with the power of words. That's it. Done. You think You've made great friends for life (I was stupid enough to think so, about a year and a half back).
Well sure, among the huge list adding up as your friends in a social networking site, you DO find some really nice people who genuinely want to be friends with you. Mayank Mohta and Asankhaya Sharma are two people I met through Orkut and I thoroughly enjoy talking to them.
But then again, as I was saying, my list kept on increasing everyday with a new friend request. Then finally when it touched 300 I decided to do a reality check.
On a very boring afternoon, with nothing productive to do, I was on a "Cleanse-my-orkut" mission. I sat down and viewed each and every one of the profile. I "deleted" those accounts, with whom I had lost contact over the last six months. I remembered quite a few of them, small details. I dropped in a random "HI" before deleting the account. The reason for that??? I got my "HIs" back...with a few "Do I know you??","How do you do, what do you do??". Clearly these people had forgotten me. And I just didn't want to start again by reciting my life story, yet again. By the time I finished the process, the count of people I ACTUALLY knew or other friends from School, college or family members were what remained. I kept a few of those whom I'd met randomly through orkut, cos I knew that with them, I could just pick up from where I left.
Today was one more such boring session. I just went through my friendlist again, not with the intention of deleting anyone (coz I've been very shrewd in adding unknown people lately). Something caught my attention. Something I hadn't been able to realise, caught in the myriad of my not-so-busy-yet-busy life. The number of changes in current location.
Nearly half (I'd like to admit that I didn't count but I think that figure must be near exact) of the people on my list have changed location. Hyderabad has been replaced by Houston, Trichy has been replaced by Texas, Mumbai with Michigan. While most have gone to the US for the pursuit of higher education, notable locations also include the UK, Greece, Australia, Taiwan etc.
I am amazed. I mean sure I knew who was going where. But caught up in my own life, as people went in search of greener pastures one by one, I didn't realise that half of my social networking site friendlist was out of India in less than 6 months. What is it about foreign education??? Is it a fad?? Why does everyone wants to go abroad after their graduation?? I never understood that because I admit that I never really wanted to understand that. If you go abroad you have more value, they say. C'mon. Every one is going abroad these days. What makes you different???
Yes there are some who tell me that the kind of education we get here (in the Graduate courses) isn't enough to make you industry ready. That is true at least in the Commerce and Humanity stream as far as I've seen. But what is it about others?? The Engineers and Doctors?? Why do they want to rush off to other places as soon as they finish their graduation. Most from Commerce and Humanity go abroad for their MBAs. Why??? Okay. If you don't like the standard of education, are you willing to come back after you finish your studies?? Are you ready to give a written testimony on that???
I am not being accusatory. I am just a little caught up in my own views and expressing my own opinion. I don't say I'm right always. I just say I have the right to express myself. And I'm doing just that.
It hurts sometimes to see your friends away from you. Knowing that you will see them once in a few years. Sure they have a life of their own. They want to make a career of their own. But still, at the risk of sounding patriotic, how are you planning to help your motherland???
Follow up or part two to this will be written shortly. Right now, I have to listen to the call of the RUMBLING STOMACH!! :)
Labels:
atheism,
atheist,
faith,
religion
Follow Up: Losing my faith...
Well as I had previously mentioned, my dilemma with the breakdown of my belief system has been one of the more important factors of my life in the recent past. Since I haven't had any satisfactory answers from any quarter, I turned to a somewhat spiritual perspective of things. I got myself this book caled THE BEST OF SPEAKING TREE. It has a compilation of the best SPEAKING TREE columns from the Times of India. This is something I found rather interesting and thought everyone should give it a read.
I DON'T CARE, I'M AN AGNOSTIC
By Dilip D'souza
- One dictionary defines an agnostic as "a person who holds that the ultimate cause (God) and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable." That is, an agnostic is somebody who does not know whether God exists. And really, he doesn't much care anyway.
- Now not being either a believer or a non-believer is one thing (or two), but not to even care? Is the agnostic that uninterested? Is it OK that he swings his legs uncaringly on the fence, particularly over a question as profound as the existence of God?
- In a word: Yes. Because being agnostic puts your life squarely where it belongs: in your hands. Being agnostic urges you to take responsibility for your every action.
- In contrast, religion's greatest weakness is that it pushes you to give up responsibility. Which is why religion has so much to answer for: the misery and bigotry it has caused through history. Those can always be blamed on somebody else. God, sometimes. The rest of the world, some other times.
- But me myself, even if only for being blind to misery? Never.
- "It's God's will," some will say. "He works in inscrutable ways, don't you know?" Christianity takes this argument down another path: it argues that suffering is a cleansing of sin and thus good for you -- which explains horrible disasters, or needless deaths, or crippling poverty.
- Actually, it doesn't explain. It only forces convoluted ethical compromise. Bertrand Russell once wrote, "No man who believes that all is for the best in this suffering world can keep his ethical values unimpaired, since he is always having to find excuses for pain and misery."
- After all, if a God has decided that millions must live in poverty, well, we mere mortals can hardly fight that, can we? There will always be poor people. We had better accept that because God designed the world that way. Yes, we might take up the occasional programme to alleviate poverty, but there's no reason to be more than half-hearted about it, because God doesn't really want it to work.
- I don't mean thinking like this embellishes every well-meaning social worker's efforts. What I mean is an attitude -- an acceptance, perhaps, where there should be outrage. But outrage comes from personal involvement. Religion detaches me instead, gives me a scapegoat. If I do get outraged, it is only when I am persuaded to see the followers of other Gods as the cause of my problems.
- When some external, if still sacred, entity is the reason for miseries, I am off the hook. I don't need to feel outraged. I don't even need to feel responsible.
- It's no stretch to see how this renunciation of responsibility explains wrongs around us. Institutions crumble, criminals win elected office, cities get more polluted, violence becomes endemic: all this happens and we feel helpless, pressed into inaction by the sheer weight of these issues.
- Besides, God has willed it all anyway.
- Agnosticism addresses the helplessness in the most direct way: by telling you to leave God alone. When you don't care about that any more, you are left with no choice but to grapple with problems yourself. That's the only chance they will ever get solved.
- In fact, grabbing responsibility with both hands is the best reason of all for agnosticism.
- Beginning a 1948 radio debate with a Father Copleston, Russell pronounced himself an agnostic. Copleston then asked him: "Would you agree with me that the problem of God is a problem of great importance?"
- Russell replied: "Roughly speaking, yes."
- Or: it may be important, certainly, but is it really important enough? Do I care? Russell's words, it seems to me, capture the essence of being agnostic
Source:http://dcubed.blogspot.com/2004/09/i-dont-care-im-agnostic.html
VISIT Dilip D'Souza on http://dcubed.blogspot.com/
Labels:
atheism,
atheist,
faith,
religion
Losing my faith...
I was once religious. I believed that the Idols I worshipped were god--they had the ultimate power to make or break things. If I ever had any problem--with my friends, my family or with my life, I had the Idols to look forward to for help. Just close my eyes and pray for things to be resolved. As a kid, I dont remember how many solutions I asked for and eventually how many were actually solved. Then came a time when I wished for something real bad, and when that didn't happen, I fought with my gods and I started calling myself an Atheist.
As a kid, my grandmother had taught me many different things. Hymns, Chants, prayers and how each god was to be worshipped during different festivals. The stories of the gods fascinated me as they would fascinate any child. I was totally in love with Lord Krishna and made him my favourite god. His stories were by far the best. Naughty little Krishna and his pranks, his mischevious smile and his beauty as was explained to me as a kid, made him my hero. I remember the time I had gone to this exhibition where I saw this statue of Krishna and pestered my mother to buy it for me. I had it for the longest of time. Until I was religious. Then I gave it away when I started believing that Krishna is nothing but a fable, a story that people cooked up a million years ago. The statue still resides in my aunt's place and it is so strategically placed in their apartment that you just cant miss it when you go there. I go there often and everytime I watch it, I am transported into the past when I believed that blue Idol to be my saviour.When you lose someone so precious in your life, you are bound to be shaken. So was I and became an Atheist, or rather called myself one. If anyone asked me what my religion was, then "Human" or "Indian" was what echoed out. I often revolted when asked to follow religious customs and traditions. If I was reprimanded for something that went against the religion, it left me all cranky and bitter towards those reprimanding me. I always had friends who followed Islam and were devoted muslims, and I continued to have muslimfriends. I never labelled myself a Hindu, even while I was religious. But ever since I became an Atheist, I started saying that I didn't follow any religion except Humanity, and I have no problem with those who did. I was once admonished, well "admonish" is a nicer term, lets say I was brutally attack with a barrage of insults by a person who was from the same caste I was born into. My fault for deserving the insults??? I was talking to a Pakistani friend online. I had enough of comments on my being non-relig
ious and was ready to take more of them in my stride. But what really hit me was, a fellow Indian was questioning my integrity as an Indian. I cried bitterly at that time, but soon learnt that people will vent their feelings, and nothing should affect me as long as I stand by what I believe. I had started the process of learning.
ious and was ready to take more of them in my stride. But what really hit me was, a fellow Indian was questioning my integrity as an Indian. I cried bitterly at that time, but soon learnt that people will vent their feelings, and nothing should affect me as long as I stand by what I believe. I had started the process of learning. Friends often asked me to come with me to temples and I would often say that I am not interested as I didn't believe in god. Even today I visit temples, once or twice or thrice a year, with the company of my friend. If they find the peace of mind there and in doing what they do, I had absolutely no problems with them. I could just come there as a spectator of the architecture that went into those marble blocks. I always maintained that I was non-religious and thought whatever greater power there was, came from within me and my surroundings. I believed if there was god, then it probably would be what I find withing myself or in my family and dear ones. There was no other god for me.
Then there was this day when I just sat back and listened to this person, who I consider the most wonderful and intelligent human being I know, apart from my family. She was talking about this concept of Atheism and God. She said something that had me thinking. If you are an Atheist, you totally rule out the concept of God. The question of god did not arise there. That statement had me thinking, for the first time since I rejected Idols, that was I truly an Atheist?? Did I believe that there was no such thing as God?? Here I was, back home thinking over it in the middle of the night, when I should have really been thinking of the exam that was at hand the next day.
It hit me instantly. I didn't completely rule out the existence of God. I had just refused to be the part of a system which taught that you are supposed to do such and such things in so and so manner to make the "Gods" happy. I still believed that there was something supreme, inside me and outside, that make things happen mysteriously when I dont expect them to happen. Whatever else I believed earlier, of idols and chants and hymns had been long flushed out from my memory. But what remained was even more powerful. I only refused to follow a system. This is the question I want to ask myself--or to the world. Because right now, I dont find myself capable of answering my own question.
Am I an Atheist??
Watch out for this space as I update my
quest for anwers on this topic.
Labels:
education,
teacher,
teaching
Going Back in Time
What is the worse thing that happens to you when you are just sitting around and trying to concentrate on a really important thing at hand? Here are am, supposedly trying to concentrate on revision for my exam tomorrow, and this is what is striking me. I am constantly going into a derilious past from time to time. I think it has got something to do the many sleepless nights over the past few days.
What I remembered today may also be due to the fact that an aunt of mine has been pestering me to take up teaching as a profession, at the International School she teaches in. She said she'll recommend me for Economics (I won't deny that I am good at the subject and I have more than enough experience of teaching my friends, in return for yummy food everyday). Teaching a class full of kids might be quite intimidating and I must say I am not even considering this option as I am Chicken.
I am trying hard to fill my head with Accounting Standards and here comes the vision of my schooling days, Class 9 and 10. Everyone says it is the most important time of a student's life as a lot of crucial studying is done leading upto the Class 10 board exams. I don't remember the time when I was supposedly a part of that rigorous curriculum. It seems to have just flown past me, while I was seemingly very stationary. I don't remember a thing I learned or any event from school in those days, funny enough as I remember so many things upto Class 8.
That may plainly have to do something with the fact that I had lost 4 very dearly loved ones in the span of less than a year. One due to prolonged illness and the other three shock departures. Living a joint family, losing two uncles in consecutive months, then losing grandfather and grandmother, was probably the most difficult period of my life. And all through, my studies suffered. There were so many people in the house, yet I felt so alone. The most important thing I learnt at that time would have to be to show emotions, whatever they may be. Keeping them locked up did more harm than good.
I was shifted from the A section, that was supposed to be the place where all the "Bright & Intelligent" students were put up, to B section which as you may have guessed was for students needing more attention in studies. I had been a fairly good student throughout, always in the top ten. And to be shifted to Section B was a sort of a blow. Just like other Section A students, I had never interacted too much with the Section B students. I was initially scared at the prospect of losing friends and worse, having no friends at all in my new class.
I regard being sent to Section B as one of the best things to have happened to me in my schooling days. I topped my class, as expected, and scored better than most students in Section A. I had learnt to fight back from being pushed down. I was determined to get back to Section A at any cost. But the best thing I had learnt was a lesson in friendship. I made friends with the entire Section B and they welcomed me there with open arms. I wasn't the topper of my section yet when I became their friend. They didn't want to befriend the toppers, they wanted to befriend me. I had some support.
The only place I was disappointed was the teachers. I was treated shabbily to say the least. Branded as a failure for being shifted to Section B, I was seen only as the student shifted. No one had bothered to see the reason for decline in my performance. I see all these english movies where they have counsellors and all, I think our education system surely needs one. Teachers these days hardly command any respect and that needs to change. Teachers need to be role models and inculcate good virtues and instill confidence among their students. I felt so let down in those days, had it not been for the support of friends, I dont think I'd have even cleared my class 10.
I always want to be a good role model, for anyone who is looking for one. Teaching is a noble profession and I would love to be a part of it. But I am not ready yet I guess. I still have some time on my hand and I would like to explore that possibility in the future. Someday.
I'm wondering if anything written here makes any sense, but then, Life itself....makes no sense.
What I remembered today may also be due to the fact that an aunt of mine has been pestering me to take up teaching as a profession, at the International School she teaches in. She said she'll recommend me for Economics (I won't deny that I am good at the subject and I have more than enough experience of teaching my friends, in return for yummy food everyday). Teaching a class full of kids might be quite intimidating and I must say I am not even considering this option as I am Chicken.
I am trying hard to fill my head with Accounting Standards and here comes the vision of my schooling days, Class 9 and 10. Everyone says it is the most important time of a student's life as a lot of crucial studying is done leading upto the Class 10 board exams. I don't remember the time when I was supposedly a part of that rigorous curriculum. It seems to have just flown past me, while I was seemingly very stationary. I don't remember a thing I learned or any event from school in those days, funny enough as I remember so many things upto Class 8.
That may plainly have to do something with the fact that I had lost 4 very dearly loved ones in the span of less than a year. One due to prolonged illness and the other three shock departures. Living a joint family, losing two uncles in consecutive months, then losing grandfather and grandmother, was probably the most difficult period of my life. And all through, my studies suffered. There were so many people in the house, yet I felt so alone. The most important thing I learnt at that time would have to be to show emotions, whatever they may be. Keeping them locked up did more harm than good.
I was shifted from the A section, that was supposed to be the place where all the "Bright & Intelligent" students were put up, to B section which as you may have guessed was for students needing more attention in studies. I had been a fairly good student throughout, always in the top ten. And to be shifted to Section B was a sort of a blow. Just like other Section A students, I had never interacted too much with the Section B students. I was initially scared at the prospect of losing friends and worse, having no friends at all in my new class.
I regard being sent to Section B as one of the best things to have happened to me in my schooling days. I topped my class, as expected, and scored better than most students in Section A. I had learnt to fight back from being pushed down. I was determined to get back to Section A at any cost. But the best thing I had learnt was a lesson in friendship. I made friends with the entire Section B and they welcomed me there with open arms. I wasn't the topper of my section yet when I became their friend. They didn't want to befriend the toppers, they wanted to befriend me. I had some support.
The only place I was disappointed was the teachers. I was treated shabbily to say the least. Branded as a failure for being shifted to Section B, I was seen only as the student shifted. No one had bothered to see the reason for decline in my performance. I see all these english movies where they have counsellors and all, I think our education system surely needs one. Teachers these days hardly command any respect and that needs to change. Teachers need to be role models and inculcate good virtues and instill confidence among their students. I felt so let down in those days, had it not been for the support of friends, I dont think I'd have even cleared my class 10.
I always want to be a good role model, for anyone who is looking for one. Teaching is a noble profession and I would love to be a part of it. But I am not ready yet I guess. I still have some time on my hand and I would like to explore that possibility in the future. Someday.
I'm wondering if anything written here makes any sense, but then, Life itself....makes no sense.
An experience with ANGELS
Everyone talks of Angels. Angel of Love, Angel of death, Angel of life. There's supposedly an angel for everyone. I finally saw the angels. The Angels of HAPPYNESS.
It was an impulse visit to an orphanage. Well, you cant really call it that. Lets say it was a home for children of convicts, run by a local nun, voluntarily. In all, I met 26 little girls of all ages and the moment I stepped inside the home, I knew I was going to witness something special.
It started out as a dull day. A Sunday, which is when I like to laze around for most part of the day, watching movies, reading books and doing something that is totally going to waste my time. Ma suddenly laid this news on me that we have to visit her best-friend and colleague for lunch today. Instantly I became irritated and said I didn't want to go. She kept asking me why and I continued to hide the real reason from her. Eventually, I let the tear-gates open. The real reason I didn't want to go was coz I was afraid of facing the humiliating feeling of people commenting on my face, which had begun to be laden with acne again after some really stressful days. I had been getting the usual oh-what-happened-to-you and do-something-or-no-one-will-want-to-marry-you comments. I normally resort to saying that I would rather marry someone who likes me for my mind rather than one who puts me up on for face value. That is in fact the truth, but still, when the barrage of comments don't stop, you feel a little low.
Ma gave in and said I needn't come if I didn't want to. Then something inside me told me, "Why are you giving up? Why are you being such a coward? What happened to you? Why can't you face the people like before?". I replied to this inner voice saying, "What if I broke in front of others? What will the others think of me?"...Slap came the reply I always knew, but something that needed to be re-inforced back to me. It said, "Since when have you started caring for what others say? This problem will not go away in a day. If you are going to cry, it is alright. Crying is never a sign of being weak. It takes courage to cry in front of people you hardly know too. Just go out there and take every minute as it comes. Just be yourself". I knew I had to follow the voice. I had been taken under the spell of the real me.
And so I went. The day was better than I expected. I got no such comments I expected to hear. We did a lot of meaningful talk before we decided to go visit this place. My sister had been saving money to donate on her birthday. We enquired if they would take the money. Instead, we were asked to bring something that the kids wanted. A small portable music system. Me and Ma got a good music system and a few cassettes for them to play in it. And off we went to the home where angels live.
The moment I got down the car, I must admit I WAS a bit nervous. Never having interacted with kids who have no parents, or parents who are convicts, I didn't know what to say. Soon I realised, I was worrying about something immaterial. Soon I was no longer talking inside my head as it was to be filled with the sounds of divine angels.
Every little girl wanted to shake my hand. Every little girl ran up to me and told me, "Good Morning, Akka(Big sister)". I could hear most girls speaking in telugu, and I am no good at speaking it. I wondered how am I going to converse with them, when suddenly one girl came up to me and said, "My name is Jyoti. There are three-three Jyotis here. What is your name Akka?" Almost every one of those 26 girls spoke fluent english.
As we sat in there, I sat on one of the chairs there with my parents and the nun, the kids put mats on the ground and took their places. I discovered that Jyoti had come to sit right near my feet. And she didn't lift her gaze from me for most of the time. I felt like a celebrity, I must admit, but yet very humbled. Jyoti got up and brought the youngest girl of the home to me. Jyoti is herself around 7 yrs of age and this little girl must have been around 3. She came and sat in my lap and Jyoti at me feet, playing with the little girl's hands.
The girls greeted us by singing songs, all in tune and beautifully sung. Followed it up with two dances and then a song again. I tell you, I really wanted to dance with them. I was having the best experience of my life. I spoke to them about which schools they went to, which class they studied in and their favourite songs and movies. As the girls did their little presentations, we were getting to know more about how things go on at the place. The girls had sponsors and were being sent to good schools around the city. More help was found to be wanting. And No. They were'nt being converted. The Sister said the most beautiful thing I have heard recently, "I let them follow any religion they want. I only want them to be responsible members of the society". And I know they will.
As I left from there, I saw how happy the girls were. They had little material comforts, but they had each other. I could see that the bonding among them was fabulous and endearing. Every girl was super confident and I am sure some day, they will do really well. My spirits were lifted at once after this visit, as Jyoti came up to me and gave me a little peck on my cheek and asked me when I will be visiting them again. I want to do more and spend more time with these angels. My association with them will continue for a long while I know, as everyone needs their angels. I need mine too.
It was an impulse visit to an orphanage. Well, you cant really call it that. Lets say it was a home for children of convicts, run by a local nun, voluntarily. In all, I met 26 little girls of all ages and the moment I stepped inside the home, I knew I was going to witness something special.
It started out as a dull day. A Sunday, which is when I like to laze around for most part of the day, watching movies, reading books and doing something that is totally going to waste my time. Ma suddenly laid this news on me that we have to visit her best-friend and colleague for lunch today. Instantly I became irritated and said I didn't want to go. She kept asking me why and I continued to hide the real reason from her. Eventually, I let the tear-gates open. The real reason I didn't want to go was coz I was afraid of facing the humiliating feeling of people commenting on my face, which had begun to be laden with acne again after some really stressful days. I had been getting the usual oh-what-happened-to-you and do-something-or-no-one-will-want-to-marry-you comments. I normally resort to saying that I would rather marry someone who likes me for my mind rather than one who puts me up on for face value. That is in fact the truth, but still, when the barrage of comments don't stop, you feel a little low.
Ma gave in and said I needn't come if I didn't want to. Then something inside me told me, "Why are you giving up? Why are you being such a coward? What happened to you? Why can't you face the people like before?". I replied to this inner voice saying, "What if I broke in front of others? What will the others think of me?"...Slap came the reply I always knew, but something that needed to be re-inforced back to me. It said, "Since when have you started caring for what others say? This problem will not go away in a day. If you are going to cry, it is alright. Crying is never a sign of being weak. It takes courage to cry in front of people you hardly know too. Just go out there and take every minute as it comes. Just be yourself". I knew I had to follow the voice. I had been taken under the spell of the real me.
And so I went. The day was better than I expected. I got no such comments I expected to hear. We did a lot of meaningful talk before we decided to go visit this place. My sister had been saving money to donate on her birthday. We enquired if they would take the money. Instead, we were asked to bring something that the kids wanted. A small portable music system. Me and Ma got a good music system and a few cassettes for them to play in it. And off we went to the home where angels live.
The moment I got down the car, I must admit I WAS a bit nervous. Never having interacted with kids who have no parents, or parents who are convicts, I didn't know what to say. Soon I realised, I was worrying about something immaterial. Soon I was no longer talking inside my head as it was to be filled with the sounds of divine angels.
Every little girl wanted to shake my hand. Every little girl ran up to me and told me, "Good Morning, Akka(Big sister)". I could hear most girls speaking in telugu, and I am no good at speaking it. I wondered how am I going to converse with them, when suddenly one girl came up to me and said, "My name is Jyoti. There are three-three Jyotis here. What is your name Akka?" Almost every one of those 26 girls spoke fluent english.
As we sat in there, I sat on one of the chairs there with my parents and the nun, the kids put mats on the ground and took their places. I discovered that Jyoti had come to sit right near my feet. And she didn't lift her gaze from me for most of the time. I felt like a celebrity, I must admit, but yet very humbled. Jyoti got up and brought the youngest girl of the home to me. Jyoti is herself around 7 yrs of age and this little girl must have been around 3. She came and sat in my lap and Jyoti at me feet, playing with the little girl's hands.
The girls greeted us by singing songs, all in tune and beautifully sung. Followed it up with two dances and then a song again. I tell you, I really wanted to dance with them. I was having the best experience of my life. I spoke to them about which schools they went to, which class they studied in and their favourite songs and movies. As the girls did their little presentations, we were getting to know more about how things go on at the place. The girls had sponsors and were being sent to good schools around the city. More help was found to be wanting. And No. They were'nt being converted. The Sister said the most beautiful thing I have heard recently, "I let them follow any religion they want. I only want them to be responsible members of the society". And I know they will.
As I left from there, I saw how happy the girls were. They had little material comforts, but they had each other. I could see that the bonding among them was fabulous and endearing. Every girl was super confident and I am sure some day, they will do really well. My spirits were lifted at once after this visit, as Jyoti came up to me and gave me a little peck on my cheek and asked me when I will be visiting them again. I want to do more and spend more time with these angels. My association with them will continue for a long while I know, as everyone needs their angels. I need mine too.
Travel WITHOUT motion
I don't travel, yet I do.
My mind is a wanderlust. So is yours. It travels to places I can't go at the present. But it brings with it, the hope and promise of a day to come, a day I can give my life for. It explores my fantasies, my hopes, my fears. Takes me on the paths yet unexplored, yet egging me on everyday to make these travels a reality.
It helps me live the life which I dont physically, nor spiritually think myself capable of leading. It gives me the hope and confidence, when those tend to drift away from me. It brings out the true essence of me, the other me, the real me.
In a life demanding you to be multi-faceted; sometimes a clown, sometimes a diplomat, sometimes opinionated, sometimes biased, behind the charade...it helps the keep the spirit of ME. In my mind, I am the real me, which no one sees, which no one wants to see or rather as I say as a brute, which no-one is capable of seeing.
I confront my fears in the easiest of ways, I find simplest of solutions to my problems, I find everything I ever wanted..In my mind. I am content and Happy with what I have. I am the real me.
It helps me see that material things aren't important. It shows me a life, larger and meaningful than I ever thought it to be. It makes me believe that I can see beauty in everything I want to see. As long as I stay the real me.
This is to you, my spirit, my mind, my soul. You make me feel bigger than I ever thought I can be. And with you, I can rest be assured that, I will continue to Travel sans motion...for an eternity.
My mind is a wanderlust. So is yours. It travels to places I can't go at the present. But it brings with it, the hope and promise of a day to come, a day I can give my life for. It explores my fantasies, my hopes, my fears. Takes me on the paths yet unexplored, yet egging me on everyday to make these travels a reality.
It helps me live the life which I dont physically, nor spiritually think myself capable of leading. It gives me the hope and confidence, when those tend to drift away from me. It brings out the true essence of me, the other me, the real me.
In a life demanding you to be multi-faceted; sometimes a clown, sometimes a diplomat, sometimes opinionated, sometimes biased, behind the charade...it helps the keep the spirit of ME. In my mind, I am the real me, which no one sees, which no one wants to see or rather as I say as a brute, which no-one is capable of seeing.
I confront my fears in the easiest of ways, I find simplest of solutions to my problems, I find everything I ever wanted..In my mind. I am content and Happy with what I have. I am the real me.
It helps me see that material things aren't important. It shows me a life, larger and meaningful than I ever thought it to be. It makes me believe that I can see beauty in everything I want to see. As long as I stay the real me.
This is to you, my spirit, my mind, my soul. You make me feel bigger than I ever thought I can be. And with you, I can rest be assured that, I will continue to Travel sans motion...for an eternity.
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