Four more days.
It is just hard to believe. Something I had been dreading for a long time is now just 4 days away and as I sit typing this at 1.50 AM on Sunday, 8th of February, I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I have to face the inevitable and I am shit scared of going through with it alone. The more I try and tell myself that I need to face it, for my own sake, the more I want to run away from it. But how?? I cannot see any way out of it. I am at loss of feelings and emotions and I hate this negativity that creeps in. Never knew what it feels to be numb....I guess this very moment should describe it. I really don't know what I should be doing...I want to cry but the tears seem all dried up. They don't want to come out. I am at such discomfort and completely aimless about what needs to be done in such a case. Should I be feeling this way? Shouldn't I just be happy for someone else and stop brooding over something that was never there? Should this be the way to end all those years of .....?
Right at this very moment I dont know. I cannot figure it out. I cannot think. I cant sleep. I'll sign off.